Yo Ho!
by Crash the Linoone
Summary: Crash and his crew are setting out for adventure, but Jack Spearow and his bird cronies are always getting in his way. Same with the stalker Skarmory, Isaac. What's the secret past behind it all? And where did Treasure Town get its name?


O HAI. 8D This is my first-ever fic, so... ENJOY.

IT HAS PIRATES AND ADVENTURE AND A SECRET PAST, OOOOOH. (rammed into by a bus)

* * *

"…Why is the rum gone?"

The Linoone threw the empty bottle at the sandy ground below him, muttering to himself angrily. "The next time we run out of rum, I'm keelhauling myself." He dropped to his knees and sighed. "And Treasure Town is a dry county… Damn it." A Treecko loading crates onto the ship gave him a puzzled look.

"You seriously love that rum, don't you, captain?" Axe said, shaking his head. "It's not good for you."

"The hell it isn't!" Crash guffawed hysterically. "You see, Axe, rum is everything." He pulled him close and stuck his head under his arm, pointing out to the sea with his free claw. "And the seas go on forever," he continued, waving his hand over the horizon. "And if I don't have rum, then I'm sober. And if I'm sober, I get sick of looking at you all. Got it?" Axe squirmed underneath his captain's arm.

"Urf…" he gagged. "Your fur smells…" Crash let go of him and spun around with glee.

"That's the smell of adventure!" he said, saluting him with his golden claw. "And not bathing in anything other than seawater for over a month!" He turned back to the water. "Adventure…" He collapsed on his haunches and sighed. "I need rum…"

A Stunky patted Crash on the back. "There, there, captain," Snesky purred comfortingly. "You can just wait until we reach another port."

"But…" Crash blubbered. "But… When I'm sober, you all suck." He dug his claws into his scalp. "With sobriety comes reality. And I hate reality." He laid down on his back and groaned. "Drunken happiness is true happiness."

"And besides happiness, you get _really _paranoid about everything," Axe piped in. "You tried to shove my off the ship after I offered you an Apple, and you thought I was stealing it." Crash grinned.

"Paranoia is just reality on a finer scale," he said. "Wait… I just went around in circles." He sat up and pointed accusingly at Axe and Snesky. "I knew it! You suck!" He stood up and raised his claws into the air. "You _all_ suck!" he screamed. Axe sweat-dropped.

"Well, maybe the captain _would_ be a bit happier with his 'comfort drink'," he whispered to Snesky. She rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, but what is he going to substitute it for in the meantime? What, is he going to ferment Apples, or something?" she snorted skeptically. "Well, it _is_ that captain, so I wouldn't doubt-"

"Ferment what?" Crash asked, stepping between the two of them with a hopeful look in his eyes. He grabbed Snesky and shook her by the shoulders. "Tell me, woman!" Snesky reached up and readjusted her goggles, her eyes spinning from being shaken.

"A-Apples…" she replied shakily. "Oh god, you've got that look on your face, captain." Crash picked her up and gave her a big bear-hug.

"Snesky, you're a genius," he said, dropping her. He raised his gold claws to the skies and cried out dramatically, "To Treasure Town!" The rest of his crew of Vigoroth roared in approval. "…And be discreet about it!" he added quickly. "No need to attract attention!" He cleared his throat and said sheepishly, "And you don't suck! Honest! Except for Axe. He's been stealing my Apples."

"Hey! I have not!" Axe retorted. Crash grabbed him and put his head under his arm again.

"Ah, take a joke, why don't 'ya," he chuckled, pulling him off the ship, still holding Axe under his arm. "God, Treasure Town's been needing this port for a while," he rambled, admiring the docks from which they exited. "No more smashing in Sharpedo Bluff and accidentally tying onto a Gyrados."

"I said I was sorry," Axe muttered. "And would you let go of me? Your fur is really… furry."

"You should've been sorry!" Crash huffed, ignoring his other statement. "That cost me a fortune to fix!"

"The ship's a piece of crap, captain," Axe said. "I don't even think it was worth fixing. Hell, we could've gotten a new ship for what we paid to repair it." He struggled under his fur. "And could you seriously let go of me?"

"It is not a piece of crap!" He snarled. "It's worth more than your hide, mind you."

"Captain?"

"Yes?"

"Let go of me."

Crash released his first mate from his arm and stepped into the shop area, where his crew of Vigoroth were snooping around for things of interest. A local Vigoroth seemed to be enjoying the familiar company.

"I feel like I'm in a school of fish!" he cried happily. "But it's not fish!"

Meanwhile, Snesky was talking to the move-linking Electivire at his shop.

"So you're saying that if I use your services, I could use Poison Gas _and_ Fury Swipes at the same time?" she asked, awe in her voice.

"Well, yes, but it might make your claws smell," he replied.

"Oh…" She thought for a moment. "What about Poison Gas and Dig?"

"Well, you can't link Dig with another move," he explained. "And even if you could, I think you'd suffocate in the hole you dug."

"Oh…" Snesky readjusted her goggles and stood akimbo. "Man, this is harder than I thought."

Crash pulled her away from the tent and dragged her to the other half of the shopping grounds. "Alright, since it was your lovely idea to use Apples, you're helping me pick them out," he said. Snesky blinked.

"What, why?" she groaned. "Do I seriously need to shop for you, captain?" She scrunched up her nose and readjusted her goggles. "You can be so needy. First it's rum, then it's Apples, now it's buying the Apples _for you_. I swear, you never act your age, but your shoe size - if you wore any shoes."

"I have boots somewhere," Crash said, scratching his nose. "Besides, I'm irresponsible with my money. And you're the navigator, which makes you smart. And if you're smart, you're good with money." Snesky blinked.

"I'm… smart?" she said. Crash patted her on the back humorously.

"Of course you are!" he said. "Now go buy those Apples!" Snesky readjusted her goggles once more and saluted him.

"Right-o, captain!" she said enthusiastically. "If you want quality, we should get Perfect Apples, though. They cost more, but it might be worth it in the end. What do you think?" Crash put his golden claw on his chin.

"Perfect Apples, eh?" he wondered aloud. "What's so 'perfect' about them?"

"They're really big," Snesky explained, stretching out her little Stunky arms as far as she could. "And rare, too! You can only find them in Apple Woods!"

"Ah, big and rare!" Crash chimed. "Like a giant jewel, literally having your name on it…" he sighed dreamily. "But we're talking Apples, so I'll just shut up."

"Apples?" somebody called from behind. "Ha! That's nothing compared to the glamour and beauty of a _Golden_ Apple!" The Murkrow raised her head and grinned. "And it's much more rare than a Perfect Apple, I can guarantee you that!" She sighed. "Ah, if only Shuppet shared my interest in shiny objects…" Crash cocked his head.

"Yeah… good for you," he slurred. She brought her head down.

"Oh, wow," Murkrow gasped as she looked at Crash. "Your eyes are really pretty…" He snorted.

"If you were expecting 'The better to see you with, my dear', then too bad for you," he spat. "They're green from looking at seaweed for too long." He pulled down his eyelid for good measure and got in her face. "And you know what happens when you don't brush your teeth? They turn green, too." Murkrow shifted uneasily.

"Um… Shuppet? Oh, yes! Coming! Be right there!" The black bird scurried off before Crash could prove his statement by lifting up his lip. He stood up and shook his fist.

"That's right! Run! Go tell all of the kids so they buy more toothpaste out of fear!" he shouted. "And if you ever want to know what color your toenails turn when you don't clean them, I'll be right here!"

"You know, that was a little mean and creepy," she said, rubbing the back of her head sheepishly. "But at least you got rid of her. Some treasure talk just turns into mindless babbling…"

"Babbling about treasure is fun!" Crash stated, seeming slightly offended. "But yes, she was just a little annoying." He grinned a toothy grin. "Besides, my teeth aren't _that_ bad," he said. Snesky rolled her eyes and laughed slightly.

"Of course not, captain," she said, turning and heading towards the Kecleon shops. Crash hurried behind her.

"For real!" he continued. "And my eyes are naturally green, too!" He paused for a moment. "Well, naturally green after keeping my eyes open underwater for too long." He scratched his chin. "But the thing about the toenails is true. It's disgusting."

"Thank you for… _enlightening_ me, captain," Snesky murmured.

"Seriously, it looks like guacamole if you scrape it out," he said. "I bet if you put it all in a bowl and had some chips-"

"I get it," Snesky said, grasping her stomach and gagging slightly. "If you make me heave, you're paying for your own things."

"Aw, fine," Crash said, sticking out his tongue and winking. "Hey, there are grosser things in life, like-"

"_Please_ don't elaborate, captain," Snesky moaned. "Arceus knows what's happened to you while traveling." Crash crooked his brow and nodded.

"Plenty of things," he said. "Except most of them were exciting and dangerous, not gross." He looked up and sighed. "Except now things are slow, so I only have little tales to tell instead of adventures to live." Snesky scratched her head.

"What kind of exciting and dangerous things?" she asked. Crash patted her on the head and winked.

"Another day and time, Snesky," Crash said, sticking out his tongue. "I could fill a book with things I've done." He rubbed his claws together. "But for now, we need Perfect Apples!" He grabbed her by the arm and continued on towards the Kecleon shops. "Food and drink is adventure enough for me right now!" he chanted, dragging her up to the tent.

"Why, hello!" the green Kecleon brother said merrily. "And what can I do for you today? I have much fine merchandise, as you can plainly see." Snesky readjusted her goggles and squinted at the items behind them.

"Do you stock any Perfect Apples?" she asked. Kecleon beamed with pride.

"Yes, we do!" he half-said, half-cheered. "The Guildmaster, Wigglytuff, finds it more convenient to have access to his favorite food so close by!" He looked behind him. "In fact, I think we have one crate left, luckily for you!"

"I'll take it!" three voices cried in unison.

Crash whipped around to see two bird-like figures, one of which was his archrival.

"Jack Spearow!" he growled accusingly, pointing his gold claw at the smug feathered captain. "I should've known that you'd follow me here, you stalker! You're creepy! And you suck worse than Axe!" Jack tossed the feathers out of his face and smirked.

"I'm just surprised that your rundown canoe-like excuse for a ship beat us here," he cooed arrogantly, digging his claws into the dirt below him. "Besides, you have no use for those Perfect Apples, anyways. All you eat is trash. And you know what they say, '_you are what you eat_'." Snesky scurried up to him, her chest puffed out.

"Yeah, well eating Perfect Apples doesn't make you perfect, feather-ball," she hissed, readjusting her goggles. Jack stepped forward and pecked at her face, snatching the goggles right off her face. "Hey!" she cried, reaching for them. "Give those back! I can't see without them!" He flew above her and laughed, dropping them into his claws for further examination.

"Possessions certainly show how much money one has, though," he chuckled. "Are these still too big for you, little girl? I thought you said that you'd grow into them?" He dropped them down onto her head, then landed next to the Kecleon tent. "Hand-me-downs are for the unsuccessful," he spat. Snesky put her goggles back on and glared at him.

"You're such a bully," she growled. "They work fine, though. And I _will_ grow into them once I get bigger. You'll see." Crash nodded.

"Yeah," he said, burring out his tail. "It's not perfect, but it works." He looked down at his gold claws and huffed. "Man, if I had a third claw, I'd flip you off." Another figure cleared its throat.

"Excuse me," he said. "But I need those Perfect Apples for the Guildmaster." They all turned around to face Chatot, who had a worried look on his face. "He gets very upset when we run out, you know." Jack stamped his foot into the ground and laughed.

"The Guildmaster is just a giant baby," he snorted. "He can live with regular Apples if someone claims them before he does." Crash pointed accusingly at his feathered foe.

"Hey, we got here first!" he snarled, swishing his tail back and forth with anger. Jack pulled down his eyelid with his feather and stuck out his tongue.

"First is the worst, second is the best," he chuckled. Crash's eye twitched, and he rushed towards him, picking him up by the scruff of his neck.

"Or how about second like all the rest, you jerk!" he spat, readying to throw him. Chatot squawked and flapped his wings frantically.

"Now wait just a minute!" he cried. "We had this set up specifically so that we could easily restock our supply of Perfect Apples for the Guildmaster! You can't just barge in and take them!" Snesky frowned.

"Maybe we could split it?" she suggested.

"Hells no!" Crash called, rubbing Jack's face in the dirt. "We were here first!" Jack squirmed his way out of Crash's grip and flapped his wings in his face.

"Yeah, well I was here _best_!" he screeched, clawing at his furred rival. Chatot sighed and rested his head on his wing.

"I don't care what your excuses are," he groaned. "No matter who gets the Perfect Apples, the Guildmaster will surely react the same." The Kecleon brothers stood behind the counter awkwardly.

"Is this going to be a problem?" one of them asked.

"No it's not!" Jack said, pecking at Crash's skull. "_I'm_ buying the crate, end of story."

"The hell you are!" Crash shouted, swiping at the Spearow with his gold claws.

"YOOOM-TAH!" someone cried.

Everyone froze as the Guildmaster scurried over to his bird-like partner. "Hi there, Chatot!" he cheered gleefully. "Did you get the Perfect Apples yet?"

_

* * *

_

_I remember back to when we were friends. Good friends at that. We had so many adventures together, and we shared so many good memories._

_When I announced that I'd planned for us to trek up Mt. Steel, I knew he couldn't contain his excitement. This was our biggest adventure yet, and it was going to be the most challenging, too._

_I had our supplies, pertaining of Apples, Oran Berries, and Max Elixirs. It wasn't like we'd easily go down, though. Our high spirits and our strong wills always got us to our destination with little or no assistance from our items._

_We'd both heard rumors about something wonderful at the top of Mt. Steel, and that ignited the fire in our adventurous hearts just like any other glamorous rumor of treasure would. But what excited us was the brand new challenge. There was someone up there, apparently. We didn't know who, but we weren't about to let them get in our way of our goal._

_Oh, how I sometimes wish for less determination._


End file.
